What did we learn on Top Chef Canada: Battle Cheese last night?
Well, not a heck of a lot about cheese. The chefs seemed like they’d be more comfortable cooking with spiny insect legs than showcasing Canadian fromage.
What else did we learn?
Jamie is going to SNAP. I called it first.
The chefs were asked to prepare an inspiring breakfast dish from a table laden down with 2000 kgs of cheese (that no one seemed to know anything about).
The highight/lowlight (they go together just ask your hairdresser) was Clayton’s Dali-esque melted cheese wedge (serving size for 6) that looked like it had been run through the microwave on high for 10 minutes before serving.
Silly Clayton, if you’re going to microwave cheese it should be on a Triscuit.
KILL the cheese, KILL KILL the cheese. (oops sorry, that was Jamie’s inside voice escaping)
I did very much appreciate Connie’s Monte Cristo, quail egg and Truffle cheddar plate. (I officially have a girl-chef crush)
The best whine/excuse (they go together just ask any toddler) came from Francois, “I wouldn’t be on the bottom if my eggs weren’t raw.” He later added, “Stupid non-cooking eggs. It’s not fair.” And kicked some dirt.
Which takes us to:
The Instant Elimination Round:
Francois, Clayton and Dale, whose “inspiring breakfasts” were only inspiring if you were using reverse chefology, were put into a 20 minute instant elimination. Goal: Make an amuse-bouche with anything in the kitchen.
Francois made an amuse with foie gras and walnuts which Chef McEwan said, “exploded in the mouth”. I really liked Dale’s melon, cilantro (?) concoction…..fresh and simple. And I honestly cannot read my writing and figure out what Clayton made. Which is appropriate as Mark McEwan axed him.
Bye Clayton. Peace.
The Elimination Challenge:
The chefs were paired up to make hors d’oeuvres using cheese and inspired by their teammate.
All you need to know is that Jamie was paired up with Darryl Crumb (if that’s your real name) whose hors d’oeuvres dish was inspired by Jamie’s farting (so he eloquently explained).
Let me break it down-
Jamie +farting = blue cheese risotto.
Jamie in turn made a roulade which was so large and not “bite-size” I imagine it was inspired by the rolled carpet Jamie would like to hide Daryll’s body in after he beats him to death with a whisk.
Other teams were more successful (Connie and Todd) and Chef McEwan was impressed by the fact that Rob’s Cobb Salad did not fall into any society cleavage.
It was great to see cheese-guru Julia Rogers as a guest judge on the show. She looked lovely and super buff and I am sorry she had to be caught on camera trying to gnaw through Jamie’s death roulade.
Andrea wins the challenge by creating a cheese hors d’oeuvre in which one can actually taste the cheese and swallow it without gagging. Sound easy? Apparently Steve’s grilled cheese “tasted nothing like a grilled cheese”. (Maybe it’s a molecular gastronomy thing- it’s a grilled cheese but it tastes like air!)
So final reckoning leaves the following waiting for elimination:
Dustin: “grease explosion”
Jamie: “only a cheese sauce could make this worse”
Rebeckah: “does she understand savoury?”
Darryl: “farting and food”
At this point Jamie lets loose his inner tattletale-chef and whines about being “left all alone” by Daryll to tend the station and how it was “all HIS fault”. (Eyes getting crazier by the second.)
Daryll lets loose his not-so-inner thug-chef and vocalizes his wish to ram Jamie’s head into a frozen ice rink/brain damage surface (they go together just ask the NHL).
You know neither of them is going home. This is good drama.
So, its bye-bye Rebekah, who apparently just found out her restaurant went bankrupt while she was on the show. Double whammy.
But on the bright side, perhaps she’ll be one of the only people to escape alive after Jamie’s sure-to-happen killing spree.