I have a suggestion for the opening sequence. Let’s add visual effects. So that when we see the same boring morning shots we can capture Francois‘s toothpaste glowing like kryptonite or Dale folding socks in “bullet time” like Keanu Reeves in the Matrix. Or just have the same stock sound effect of an alarm going off. That’s good too.
The recap: essentially puts Connie through the meat grinder again-just like her much criticized sausage of last week. Meaning, we want you to think she’s going home but probably not.
Quickfire
Lynn Crawford is our guest chef today. She steps up to the plate as Thea announces that the challenge will be to make two meals for Porter Airlines. A morning and evening snack.
A gaggle of cute stewardesses stop just short of forming a Porter Pyramid as they pose with the tiny cardboard boxes each chef must fit their mini-meal into.
Francois comments “cute girls” as his and Dale’s eyes seem to pop out. They are like a men who have just served a life sentence seeing a woman in high heels for the first time. What is this horrible place they call the GE kitchen?
Poor Lynn Crawford was obviously asked to shed some wisdom before the start of the challenge and maybe what she wanted to say was, “good luck squishing food into those boxes and don’t even bother trying to make it good, the airline will screw it up” but instead she had to say something generically bland , “be creative, do something different.” Like her lipstick–very Gwen Stefani with a bit of craziness happening with the lip liner.
Dustin gets to work on a smoked trout crepe for his breakfast snack and he’s making a prosciutto sandwich for the afternoon.
Sandwich being the theme of the day. Francois is working on egg salad (which ends up being a chopped omelette) and a tuna sandwich and Connie goes for chicken salad with pasta salad on the side.
Andrea dares to be different (oh oh, she’s following the generic advice) and says, “screw the sandwich” I’m going grilled salmon and couscous.
Judging:
Andrea and Dusty’s dishes come out on the bottom–or in airline hilarity–“didn’t fly”. Dustin’s smoked trout crepe is too strong for a morning flight unless Porter is adding an East European route and Andrea’s salmon was dry and Chef Crawford didn’t like the chimichurri sauce.(though wouldn’t you be impressed to get chimichurri sauce on a flight to London, Ontario?)
The dishes that (wait for it) SOARED were Rob’s chicken club with a Grand Marnier chocolate fondant on the side. Also a hit was Dales’ pepper-bacon sandwich with apples tossed in cream cheese. But the big winner was Connie for overall “taste and visual appeal”. Chef Crawford loved her homemade blueberry yogurt and called the granola alongside “fully loaded”.
She wins a trip for two to Chicago with the caveat that she had to make yogurt for the whole plane.
Elimination Challenge
Using the “terroir” philosophy the chefs must make three meals that represent a day in the life of the province they pull from the knife block.
Connie pulls “belle provence” and is pretty sure it’s in Quebec….
Rob lucks out and pulls Ontario (he’s from Toronto).
Dale get interior BC which is also great as he knows it well.
Andrea pulls the Praires. Which I admit, kind of sucks. Steak and Saskatoon Berry pie anyone?
Francois gets the Maritimes. He is raring to go using seafood knowledge he learned in BC since he’s never been to the East Coast.
Dustin pulls Wild Rose Country. I admit, I didn’t know that was Alberta. I thought he would be cooking with Avon’s latest perfume.
The chefs have 5 minutes to put together a menu, 20 minutes ot shop on a $100 budget and three hours of cooking time.
Francois helps Connie by giving her the ol’ “When in Quebec eat Tortiere” schtick.
Dale is telling Andrea to go “comfort food” for the Praires. (As in, Oh God I live in the Praires. Give me some cheese cake NOW)
Cut to the “shopping” portion of our programme.
Cut to out “coming up clip” where people (Andrea) freaks out that Connie is using store-bought pastry. “I would feel like a douche bag doing that” says Andrea.
Cut back to the kitchen where the chefs run around setting up smokers and opening fridges.
Dale is pretty chill as always, ” We have three hours for three dishes–the point is to make it be difficult”
Andrea, slightly panicky,, “Three hours is not enough time to make Top Chef food.”
She then mocks Dale for being Mr. Food. What a loser for being a chef and being on the show Top Chef and knowing a lot about food! Dale then predicts the final four will be all the guys, “the girls are running out of ideas”. See, I find that more annoying than the vast food knowledge part of his personality Andrea.
The kitchen is exceptionally hot. Shockingly we don’t see anyone wiping sweat of their brow with Sponge Towels which seem to be featured at every commercial break. Due to the heat Connie and Andrea forgo making ice cream and Andrea gives up on pie crust. This is where Connie goes for it and just uses store bought (also acknowledging the time pressure).
Judges
Other than the usual judges and Chef Crawford guest judge Jonathan Gushue of Langdon Hall is seated in the dining room.
First up is Dustin (Alberta) who’s dishes are beautiful to look at. And they start off well with his “steak and eggs” take on breakfast called, “well executed” and “perfectly cooked. Lunch goes a bit down hill when his stew is not “viscous” enough and the stuffing of his chicken is too salty. Plus the stuffed chicken leg makes Chef Gushue feel like he’s in a “banquet hall”.
Francois is next with his Maritime line-up. His first dish is totally doused in Hollandaise sauce and looks messy. It’s downhill from the start, “confused flavours” “soggy beat foam doesn’t let the mussels sing” “too many products” and “it’s like he’s never been to the East Coast”. Well, yah….
Andrea is plating and comments “I’m pretty happy with everything” meaning the editors have just bestowed her with the kiss of death. Sure enough her Bison Barley soup (you can get bison at Loblaws?) has a film of fat on it–the comment summary is “no skill” “no Praires” and “no flavour”. Even the crumble she made instead of the pastry is not well done. The bulgur wheat is not broken down. (But then you can taste the Praires- right?)
Dale fares much much better. In fact he pulls it off. The judge are drooling over his dishes and his knowledge of inner BC. He started with breakfast of poached eggs with morel mushrooms and hollandaise, then roasted B.C. salmon and peas cooked three ways, and dinner was venison loin with bannock ( a Native style flat bread).
Connie, who knew nothing about Quebec cuisine, sure could’ve fooled the judges. She presented a smoked trout and potato salad, a venison and veal tourtière and wild blueberry pie. The tourtière got knocked for authenticity but the flavours were great and the judges loved her pie crust (thanks Tenderflake!)
Rob’s Ontario menu, inspired by his grandmother’s cooking left him sitting in the middle. It wasn’t the flop that Francois’s meal was but it was “uninspired”. Sorry Gram.
Judges Table
Dale and Connie (who’s run out of ideas-right Dale?) get the top two spots. And despite Connie admitting to buying her pastry the judges seem impressed at her ability to “make a situation work” for her. Kind of surprising but OK. (Maybe she should have heated up a PC Tortiere too?)
Ultimately Connie takes the top spot. She’s back (to back) winning both the Quickfire and the Elimination. YES!!!
Not surprisingly Francois and Andrea are crowned worst of the day. The judges go hard on Andrea who gets defensive and blames the short amount of time she had and the hot kitchen– she gets a jab in again at Connie’s use of the premade pie crust. Chef Crawford tells her that is was not the circumstance but her execution that failed her.
Francois gets beat up a bit but the judges seem almost amused at his fumbling. “He’s like a mad scientist.”
It’s clear who’s on the cutting block–So long Andrea. You were feisty. I liked it.
My favourite outgoing line so far, “Today I regret not ever being to the Praires.” Andrea tackles Connie in an “I hate you-I love you” kind of hug and departs. One woman left.
NEXT WEEK: Food carts! The mystery is what sponsor will we showcase?
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cheese and toast 